Dear Dr. Archer,
I have been with my partner for five years. During this time, I have talked to other females a few times. It started when I was working over 90 hours a week, I was never home, and one of my jobs is where this girl would visit. That has since ended, but there have been times I have talked to women online, but nothing ever physical has happened.
My partner was very hurt by this, but has agreed to move on and yet, understandably, can't seem to get past it. She finds it difficult to even be close to me. It has been over a year since anything like this has occurred, and the more I feel pushed away the harder it is to not go online to find someone to talk to.
What can I do to change the path of our relationship and gain her trust back? I love her and she is the only one I want, but I miss our relationship where we were close.
Chris
Dear Chris,
With the ease of talking to people all over the world now possible with the use of a computer, relationships are being tested and destroyed on a daily basis. It does not have to be this way of course, it depends on each of you and how much you both are willing to work towards saving the relationship.
There is a trust issue here Chris and it’s up to you to repair it. What I want you to do is tell her exactly what you told me. You want her trust back, and she is the only woman you want. Tell her you miss the relationship you once shared, and listen to what she has to say. Ask her what it will take to make things right and, again, listen. It may take a bit of time, but if you sincerely want this relationship to survive, prove yourself to her.
Remember, you can't force her to believe you. Over time just being loving, faithful and most importantly honest should bring her around. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words and it’s 10 times harder to re-build a shattered trust than to develop trust in the first place. You have your work cut out for you. Good luck!
Dr. Archer
